Time to let it out. Without even realizing it, our emotions can become “infected.” Moving on becomes difficult. Negative thoughts visit us right before we drift to sleep, and then return again to steal our creativity in the morning. For 3 days, I worked on me. I worked on releasing painful memories and negative emotions that were stored away. This is my discovery.

Day 1: No, I didn’t get closure. I created it.

I made it to the third round of a 4 month long interview process, and didn’t receive an “I am writing to let you know that we have selected another candidate whom we believe most closely matches the job requirements of the position” after.

It hurt, and every cell in my body wanted to pick up the phone, hit the send button and ask…why?

Was it something I said?

What did I do wrong?

I needed closure.

Yes, closure was indeed needed to move on. However, having a heart to heart with the person who rejected me would not have given me any more closure than meeting the man on the moon would. See, deep down inside the answer to why was not what I truly desired. What I really wanted was a, scary yet human, desire to be validated.

How can I be good enough for you?

I’m sure you’ve been there too. Family members distance themselves. Frenemies leave without a “so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.” You just want answers. You feel like it will help you to get over it quicker. But, it really won’t because closure has to be created internally.

say this with me…

Number One: I create closure by looking at life’s pattern.

Has there ever been anything taken from you that you’ve died without? In my life, every single disappointment pointed to an even better opportunity. There has never been (and will never be) a denial that was greater than what I was about to walk into. I just had to keep walking to find it. It’s the pattern.

Number Two: I create closure by releasing my grip.

Out of fear, we hold onto titles. We don’t feel secure unless someone puts a label on us. We have to have a certain outcome, or we will have a melt down. We refuse to let go of people who are running in the opposite direction to our life’s path, because we are too chicken to believe that we don’t need them. We distrust the fact that everyone assigned to our life will not just walk away from us, and everything we are supposed to have we will have.

“They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.” –1 John 2:19

Nothing real can be threatened. Like the belly leaping between Mary and Elizabeth, and the bond between David and Jonathan covenant love expands far beyond any kind of regular love. Both people have the feeling of “it’s-something-I-don’t-know-what–it-is-but-it’s something….” Trust and allow this process to happen in your life.

Number Three: I create closure by getting off the edge of my seat.

Sometimes a direct yes or a no feels better than hearing “not now.” Not now can sometimes mean 10 minutes, 10 days or 10 years. But do you want to know what “not now” always means when you are the type of woman who likes to have her stuff together…? A panic attack.

I – have – been – there. Save yourself a trip to “Anxiety Land” by realizing that you do not have to know what’s going to happen next to have a sound mind today. Just because the situation is in waiting, doesn’t mean that you have to be in waiting. Get yourself out of “waiting around mode,” and create your own certainty.

just for you

Write down every situation that you need closure from. Snatch back your power to get closure out of the hands of every individual that you’ve given it to. Ask yourself, why did this have to happen the way that it did? Pray about it, fall silent and listen. Write down the response. Now, turn the same paper around to the other side. This represents the turning of a new page. Write down all the possibilities that are ahead of you.

Think of every person, company or group that rejected you. Visualize yourself thanking them for being part of your journey. Like a character in a play, they showed up, and did their thing — but now it’s time for them to exit stage left. See them moving on without you, and be happy for them. If you feel pain when you think about them moving on, no worries, it means you are not healed. Make an effort to forgive and release them.

plus one word of caution

I am in no way advocating running away from difficult conversations. Sometimes two people just need to have a come to Jesus meeting. Still and all, let the conversation come from an emotional healthy place. (More on that topic below on Day 3.)

for bonus results try my morning glory juice recipe

Today is a new day. I have no regrets. What’s ahead of me is better for me.

 4 carrots, 1 large orange & 1 inch piece of ginger

Day 2 – My vulnerability creates authentic art. I let my hair down, so I can let love in.

Why do we instantly fall in love with certain people? Why do we struggle to connect with some people and not others?

Imagine this: You walk past two homes. One of the homes has the windows opened just enough for you to smell the aroma of your Grandmother’s lemon pound cake seeping through. The second home is totally fenced in, the doors are chained and the windows barred like a prison.

Which house will you go to?
Of course, the first.

The illustration explains why we instantly gravitate towards people who let us see the real them. Think about it. As humans, we crave realness.

There’s no better word I can use to describe all of this, but vulnerability.

Vulnerability is essential to 1) connect 2) create real intimacy and 3) build relationships. Being vulnerable isn’t about being unwise in your approach with people. You can still set boundaries, and let your guard down at the same time. Being vulnerable means you are comfortable enough in your skin to share the real you with people. If you have a cheesy smile, and a ridiculously funny face when you burst out laughing, you don’t cover up your mouth in embarrassment. You give people the real laugh. You give them you!

The viral video is one of my favorites. I love how at the end, no matter how hard he tried to be this articulate professor, we only saw him as a dad who just got embarrassed in front of the world, and we instantly fell for it.

try this…

Start to notice situations where people are vulnerable, and observe its effect on you. The more you start to observe vulnerability, and appreciate it, the more comfortable you will be being vulnerable.

plus my purple blush juice recipe

Sharing your weakness makes you vulnerable; making yourself vulnerable shows your strength.

¼ red cabbage, 1 sprig of rosemary, 1 inch piece of ginger, 2 oranges, 1 beet (beetroot)

Day 3 – My fragrance is the scent of sweet hope. I see the best in people. I attract the best people.

3 years ago, I went through my first break up. The relationship ended on bad terms, and I became very hateful and bitter afterwards. I felt myself sinking into a belief that all men were dogs, and that I was never going to get married. I hate it when I get like that. So I changed my whole routine to change my mindset.

I stopped dating. I put myself on a 10 o’clock curfew, and refused to go anywhere near the night scene. My friends thought I was crazy, because this was the time I should have been “turning up.” I didn’t see it that way. I recognized that at this point in my life, I needed to be in environments where I could feel better…not just about myself but I needed to feel better about people, and the world around me. I started going where I could see people at their best, giving their best in environments they loved. I flew myself out to business conferences, and attended local scientific workshops where people were excited about discussing concepts I had no clue about. I had girls’ night outs at fancy restaurants, and talked to happily married women.

I remember the day I returned back to myself — I woke up feeling hope. Eventually the other person and I stopped running from the difficult conversation. We hashed it out, and forgave each other. I saw the best in him, and wanted the best for him. I felt like a woman who could start something new, with someone else without baggage. I had been freed from my own mental prison.

No matter how many times you’ve been hurt, don’t become bitter. Being a pessimistic troll is a safety net. Why risk having trust broken when you can just not trust anyone? It’s easier to just expect people to fail you, right? Wrong! When you always look for the worst, the only person that’s getting jabbed in the face is you. People will either walk on eggshells around you or they won’t bother because you’re going to take everything the wrong way.

However, something magical happens when you start seeing the best in people. You start to bring out the best in them, and you start attracting better people. Most importantly, though, you start to bring out the best in yourself.

go there… let’s start with a challenge!

Think of one person in your life who is the hardest to love. What do you instantly think about that person? If your first thought is disgust, try to reverse that by being understanding to them and their situation. Remind yourself,

“If his past were your past, his pain your pain, his level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as he does.”

After true understanding, notice the shift in your perspective. As your perspective changes, you will feel peace. This is why they say, “forgiveness is for you.”

my crisp & fresh juice recipe for added sweetness 😉

Leave people better than you found them.

½ honeydew, 2 cucumbers and 1 green apple

final thoughts

For the workbook version of this project, follow my Facebook page or Introverted  Girlfriends Facebook Page. It will be released Sunday, May 7th. We will be completing this as a group and debriefing at our meetups. You may also email me at sophia@diamondsbloom.net for details.

-XOXO

Diamond